⛈My Favorite Weather⛈

Hi, friends! It’s the end of May, the clouds are out, and it’s a chilly 75 degrees…IN ARIZONA! What?! If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that cold, gloomy weather is my favorite. The more gloomy it is, the happier I am.

My mom and I were talking about this recently. We were actually out shopping and she could see the change in my mood as the dark clouds started to roll in. She and I have a couple theories about why this is.

Here is my mom’s theory, which makes a lot of sense to me. They talk about balance. Maybe because on the inside, I feel dark and gloomy, when the environment (the weather) matches, I feel and am more balanced.

Here is my theory. When the weather is cold and gloomy, I am able to bundle up in my pants and warm sweater, where I feel comforted and protected (think about how a weighted blanket makes you feel when you’re anxious). When the sun is shining and it’s hot (remember, AZ gets in the 100 degree temps), it requires wearing lighter, more breathable clothing, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable.

What do you all think; are we on to something?

Happy Wednesday, everyone. May the weather bring what makes you feel happy.☺

With love,

J♡

My Tuesday

Positives for today:

  • My daughter had an awards ceremony in her classroom. She received three awards. She has kept all A’s this school year, and I am so very proud of her. Seeing her face light up when we walked into her classroom was so sweet. The parents of the other three kiddos at her table, could not be there today, so I got to enjoy the stories they shared with me instead.
  • My son had his 6th grade promotion ceremony this evening. There have been many struggles with school up until now, but it is amazing how much he has grown in that time. I am very proud of the young man he is becoming. I can’t believe he’ll be moving on to junior high in the fall. I have to admit, when the principal announced them as the class of 2025, I suddenly felt old. I think it’s neat that he will graduate twenty years after me.
  • My foot and ankle felt much better for most of the day.
  • I got to spend some family time this evening.
  • I accomplished a lot of the housework I’d been neglecting.

Negatives for today:

  • I didn’t get a nap
  • I spent most of the afternoon and evening with a migraine.
  • After all the activity today, I was in so much I felt like screaming.
  • It’s now midnight, which means I technically failed to post before the day was over…grrr. I will do better tomorrow.

Well, that is all. My pain pill is kicking in and I’m tired. Thanks for reading my babbles. Have a great day/night, all.

With love,

J♡

When Constant Pain Isn’t Enough

Last night as I stood up to leave the garage, I realized that my foot and lower leg had fallen asleep. This happens quite often, so I figured, no big deal, just be careful walking. The first step was a bit clumsy. Step two with the opposite foot was fine. I went to take the third step, and my foot didn’t want to leave the ground. It also couldn’t support my weight, and down to the concrete floor I went. I fell on my right side, hurting my wrist, knee, ankle and foot. Coffee splashed out of my cup and on to my phone. “OUCH” and then I hollered for my husband. He ran to me quickly, scooped me up, and put me on the couch with an ice pack. I was already on a pain killer when this took place, but the pain was still there. I didn’t sleep well last night due to the pain. I’m not sure if I sprained my foot or just bruised it really good; I just know that it still hurts today, especially with activity. I’m going to give it another day, and then maybe consider having it checked out.

On a happy note, here’s a picture I took tonight. See that teeny, tiny bright spec at the top?

That is the International Space Station. It was pretty cool watching it cross the sky. Also, see those clouds? Yes, it was a cloudy day with a high of 76 degrees; almost unheard of for this time of year in Arizona. I am loving it!

I hope you all had a wonderful (less clumsy) day!

With love,

J♡

A Poem Stuck in my Head

I’m not sure why, but this morning a line from a poem popped in my head and got stuck there. The same line over and over:

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;”

I think it was 15 years ago that I first learned this poem, and almost as long since I last read it. I decided to look it up and share it with you all.

If

By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build’em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: “Hold on!”

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/if-by-rudyard-kipling


With love,

J♡

A Quick Poem About Parenting

It seems most of our days have been this way, this year. Thankfully, there’s only a week left of school.

Woke up late

Hair’s a mess

Spilled my coffee

Trying not to stress

Shuffle the kids

Out the door

A routine we’ve done

A hundred times before

They are tired and moody

As am I

Which of us

Will be the first to cry

It can’t be me

Have to stay strong

Set a good example

To break down is wrong


Thanks for reading.

With love,

J♡

Don’t Leave; I’m Still Here

Okay, first things first…who the heck has been praying for my patience? ‘Fess up! Whoever you are, I ❤ you and appreciate your kindness, but you can stop now. Please.

This has been a busy, chaotic, stress filled couple of weeks. So once again, I found myself neglecting my blog. This upsets me deeply, as I made a promise to myself when I started this, that I would keep up with it. I wasn’t going to toss it to the side like so many other projects I’ve started. I have a tendency to just shut down when I feel overwhelmed, then the guilt and other negative thoughts start to creep in, which makes me shut down more. When depression starts banging on the door, I don’t feel much like communicating with anyone. I’ll be honest; I’ve hardly looked at the WordPress app icon, let alone open it these last two weeks. The funny thing is, that’s probably when I should have been on the most. To connect with others on here, express the chaos that’s in my head, and read something that’s enjoyable to me, has been a tremendous help the last seven months. If I haven’t already mentioned, I’m a procrastinator at heart. This is something I want to change also. Starting now, I am going to post something every day. It may just be a picture or a couple of sentences, some days. I don’t want to bombard you with my posts, but I feel that making myself post something each day will get me into a better habit and my blog will never feel neglected again.

An update on the lab work I had done and the spinal cord stimulation trial:

My bone density scan hasn’t really changed since my last one, four years ago. It still shows osteopenia. I am thankful that it has not progressed to osteoporosis. All of my bloodwork came back normal. The 24 hour urine collection I had to do, could not be completed due to not having enough sample. I can’t help that I didn’t have to pee much that day, sheesh. So now I have to redo that test. Oh yes, the ever so fun, tinkle into a plastic ‘toilet hat’ and then pour it into a collection jug, every time for 24 hours. Grossed out, yet? Who comes up with these tests anyway?

I had my one time visit with the psych doctor for the stimulation trial (nice guy). He explained that the insurance company requires this visit because the trial and permanent placement is a very expensive procedure and they want to make sure that the pain doctor, psychologist and you all feel this is the right option. After hearing that and answering all the paper and oral questions, I had a different interpretation of why they require the visit. The procedure is expensive and insurance wants to make sure that they are not going to fork out all this money, if you are just going to turn around and take your life. I know that sounds grim, but that’s the way my mind processed the information, sorry.

Now that I’ve had that visit, the PA at the pain clinic has submitted a request for the trial. Of course, it has to be approved by insurance before I can schedule. More waiting. In the meantime, she wrote me another prescription for hydrocodone, which I’ve been having to take daily. My eleven year old doesn’t like this and “lectures” me, because apparently they learned the dangers of opioid use, at school. I’m all for him being educated in the matter, and I hope he never ever needs them, but spare me the talk. I wouldn’t take them if I didn’t need them.

Are you tired of my babbling yet? I really just wanted to say that I’m still here, sorry I’ve been slacking, and thanks for sticking with me. I hope you all are doing well. Until tomorrow, friends.

With love,

J♡

A Bit of This and That

Good morning (afternoon/evening), friends! Here’s my random post for this Friday…it is Friday, right?! My days and times get so mixed up.

My son is fascinated by accents, as am I. Truth be told I’ve always been a bit jealous that I don’t have one. Although, maybe to others, I do? Anyway, my son has a report he’s working on at school that led him to want to try speaking in a British accent. To YouTube we went…so many great teaching videos on there. I think I need more practice. I sound ridiculous, I’m sure. Any suggestions?

As I was heading to pick the kids up from school yesterday, I saw a power wheelchair stopped in the bike lane. Wanting to make sure someone wasn’t stranded in need of help, I glanced over. The chair was empty. Looked over past the sidewalk and a man appeared to be relieving his bladder against the wall. I thought for just a second about calling it in, but I don’t want someone to end up with a sex offender title simply because they couldn’t hold their pee. I hope I made the right decision.

This morning on my way home from dropping the kids at school, I witnessed a poor bird die. He fluttered real hard into the street and when I got a better look, he’s wings looked very damaged. He probably had been hit by a car. I wanted so bad to help it, but it was impossible without causing a car accident. In my car mirror, I saw the little thing struggling to get out of the road, and then it suddenly went very still. I felt so bad for it. It also made me think about how much I don’t ever want to die alone.

Pain this week has been absolutely horrible. I am fed up, but I have to keep going. Tomorrow and Sunday, we are having our craft sale. I have a feeling Monday and Tuesday will be spent trying to recoup from the pain this weekend will bring. I’ve been using the CBD oil, but haven’t really noticed any changes so far. From my understanding, it may take a while. I’ve been very good about taking my antidepressant on time every night, so my mood has been pretty stable. I’m still taking Hydrocodone for pain relief, but I’ve been on it so long that it doesn’t work as well as it used to. I’m thinking about trying hypnotherapy next. Has anyone tried this for pain relief?

I know that I write and post my poems on here once in a while, but I do not consider myself a poet by any means. I know there are many forms of poetry, but if you ask me what I write in or what my favorite style is, I’ll probably just shrug, smile and say, the rhyming kind? That being said, I would like to become a better writer and I am open to constructive criticism. Don’t be shy.

Well friends, that’s all for now. I wish you all a wonderful weekend. 😊

With love,

J♡

Don’t Drink That

I just ruined a perfectly delicious cup of coffee by adding chocolate whey-protein to it. It is whey disgusting! The directions said I could add it to my favorite beverage, and that just happens to be coffee. Chocolate and coffee sounded like a delicious combination, but I was so very wrong. What now sits in my favorite mug, is this thick, gritty, foamy consistency that I just about spewed across the room. I didn’t want to be a quitter though, so I took a second sip, and a third. Nope…still horrid. I’m going to put it down the drain where it belongs and brew a fresh pot of coffee while I write this post. The weight gain attempt will just have to wait.

I’ve always been one of those people who struggle to put/keep on weight. The most I’ve ever weighed was 120lbs when I gained 35lbs during my first pregnancy. Some people may think, wow, your so lucky to be thin. Wrong. I hate it, always have. Besides the fact that it’s hard to find clothes to fit, it’s the comments and assumptions from people, that suck.

Oh my gosh, you’re so skinny!

Don’t you ever eat?!

You must be anorexic!

Real women have curves!

Only dogs like bones!

Have you done drugs?!

During my teen years, when depression first knocked on my door, these types of comments didn’t help. I tried not to let them get to me. At least at that time, I still had my physical health. Contrary to what others thought, my weight wasn’t a health problem. I was active. I danced my heart out in my free time and ran for fun (and track, my freshman year). I may have been thin, but I was also very strong.

Fast forward to now (age 32), and my weight, or lack of, really gets to me. I’m back at 88lbs. I’m not active like I used to be, so now I’m just thin and not muscular. This definitely feeds the depression and anxiety, and those feed the fibromyalgia. Despite my husband’s reassurances, I find myself worrying if he’s still attracted to me. What if I only get worse over the years?

One thing I’ve heard so many times since being diagnosed with fibro, is that exercise really helps. Well that would be great, but I’m in too much pain to do that. If I can manage to switch over the laundry and do the dishes, I consider it exercise because it feels like I just spent an hour at the gym, without the muscles to show for it.

My appetite isn’t great. Pain often leaves me feeling queesy, and fatigue means that many times I’ll choose a nap over food. I really want to gain weight. I’ve always wanted to get to 110lbs so I can donate blood. I’ve decided to try supplements…clearly they whey protein is not the one for me. There’s a pill out there that I’m going to try soon that is supposed to increase your appetite and help you gain/keep the weight. We’ll see.

In the meantime, I’m going to enjoy this fresh cup of delicious coffee. Remember to always be kind to others, and never judge. You never know what they are going through or why they are the way they are.

As always, thanks for letting me babble on. Hugs to all.

With love,

J♡

Some Friday Randomness

If I had a quarter for every time the kiddos fought, a dime for every time one of them got hurt after I told them not to do something, and a nickel for every eye roll I’ve seen them do….I’d be stinkin’ rich!

It’s warm out today. Like, shorts and t-shirt warm, but I’m still dressed for winter because, 1. I’m a wimp, 2. The sun reflecting off my pasty skin may blind passers-by. I don’t think my insurance covers that.

The best time to enjoy a big bowl of cereal is not at breakfast, but between the hours of 10pm and midnight. Or is this just me?

I’ve been working on some sewing projects since I finished the quilt. I am going to join my mom and mother in-law in a craft sale at the end of the month. My problem is, I keep giving away the things I make. I like making things and I like giving presents. It makes me happy.

My anxiety has been up, especially when I hear all the birds talking. Their chatter tells me that spring is coming. I don’t know why this time of year makes me feel this way. 😕

My car broke down on Friday in the school parking lot. Just before the tow truck driver was about to load it up, he got it running and told me to have the battery checked. On Saturday, I had the battery replaced and she ran beautifully…until Tuesday. On Tuesday, she broke down again, thankfully in a parking lot once again. It was right before I was to get the kids from school. My husband attempted to get them in his car, but it wouldn’t start either. I called a friend and without hesitation, she picked up both kids, let them play at her house and then brought them home along with a home cooked, delicious meal. She’s some sort of wonder woman, I tell ya! My hubby replaced the alternator and did an oil change on my car and she’s happy again…hopefully for a long time.

The kids made friends with the neighbor boy. He’s 4 years younger than our youngest, but they enjoy each other’s company. Our son thinks this little boy has a crush on our daughter. I said, “As her big brother, how does this make you feel?”. He responded with a fist into his open palm and then smiled, saying “just kidding”. He does feel like it’s too big of an age gap though, ha!


All images from Pixabay (except the one of my poor car on the tow truck🙁).

Well, that’s all for now. I hope you all have a Fantastic, Fabulous, Fun Friday! 😊

With love,

J♡