The Box

The Box

By J♡

I’m so overwhelmed

Not sure how much

More I can take

Our presence is expected

So another day I must fake

Take the depression

Shove it into a box

Along side anxiety and pain

Make sure it stays locked

Until I’m once again

Behind closed doors

Unpacking my box

While tears hit the floor

Carrying around this heavy box

Once opened again

It holds twice the amount

Of what I put in

And carried around

That’s the burden

Of turning my frown

Upside down


Thanks for reading.

With love,

J♡

Sloths Help

These last couple of days have been kicking my butt. On top of the issues that are already present, I’ve been sick. I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. Maybe this isn’t a fair statement, since thankfully, I’ve never been hit by one? Anyway…

Sometimes when I need a little pick-me-up (and right now, I do), I look at pictures and videos of sloths. What’s not to love about their adorable smiling faces?! They are my favorite animal and I’m hoping that one day I’ll get the chance to hold one!

A few fun facts for you:

  • Sloths can travel on land only 6-8 feet per minute, but are great swimmers and move faster in water.
  • They have an extremely slow digestive system and their diet provides minimal energy.
  • The two-toed sloth is slightly larger than the three-toed.
  • Algae grows on the fur of sloths. To their advantage, the green color helps them blend in and stay safe from predators.

That’s all for now.😊 Back to my videos…

Is there something that helps lift your spirits (even if it’s only for a moment)?

With love,

J♡

Back Pain: My Frenemy

I hope this weekend is treating you well.

Low Back Pain and I met sometime around 2008. From then until sometime in 2017, we had many adventures together. We accompanied each other to get-togethers with doctors, we attended multiple physical therapy sessions together and we even took pictures together in those fun photo booths (mri and ct) on several occasions. The more time we spent together though, I felt the need to escape my new friend. I tried to declare my need for independence, but Back Pain insisted on sticking around. Now, she had already made daily responsibilities difficult, and insisted that I not work anymore (she had help with this from Fibromyalgia) and I was becoming more and more fed up with her company. We sought counseling at a surgeon’s office once in 2016, but the surgeon took her side and said I was stuck with her; there was nothing she could do for us. Over the next year, Back Pain and I continued on as we had before. We took more photos together, but I was in tears as she smiled. We finally got another counseling appt with a different surgeon in 2017, and I thought, this is it…freedom. Only, our insurance wasn’t accepted, so we left with me in tears and frustration and Back Pain just laughing. A few weeks later, we tried again with a new surgeon and guess what?! He took my side! He was going to free me of my unwanted friend, or at least make us long distance friends.

I had my first surgery July 2017, an ALIF (anterior lumbar interbody fusion). Things were going well for a while but I ended up with a new pain from si (sacroilliac) joint dysfunction. Almost one year to date, I had a second surgery to fuse the si joint on the right side.

I am scheduled to have the left side fused this Monday morning. I’ve never been so excited for a Monday! I’m hoping that this third and hopefully last surgery will be the end to my friendship with Back Pain.

With love, J♡

Finding Beauty in Pain

It’s true, being in constant pain day after day sucks. Living with it for years is exhausting, and yes there are days where I can’t possibly imagine having to live this way for another fifty plus years. Having said this, there are also reasons that I am thankful for the pain.

Pain changes people, but it doesn’t have to all be negative changes. At this moment, I’m choosing to acknowledge the positive ways that pain has changed me.

Pain has made me more patient and understanding when those around me are in pain. Knowing what it feels like and how frustrating it can be to not meet the expectations you have for yourself or that others have for you, I am now more understanding when someone needs to cancel or change plans or simply rest.

I’ve become thankful for the pain in that, while yes it hurts, at least I have all of my body parts. Others are not so fortunate. I am alive another day and able to feel; that is certainly worth thanking God for.

It’s been quite a while since I’ve been able to work, due to pain. While this is financially a burden on my family, it has allowed me to be more present in my children’s lives. It has also allowed me to discover my love for sewing, painting, jewelry making, and writing (my escapes from pain and depression). With any luck, maybe these things will turn into something I can use to contribute financially.

Pain has made me stronger. I have made it through 100% of my bad days and I will make it through the next one. I am also stronger in my faith. Living in constant pain I’ve learned to lean on God more than ever.

Yes, pain sucks, but if you can find the beauty in it, fighting through it might become a little easier. I would love to know, what beauty do you find in your pain?

With love, J♡

Fibromyalgia is a Pain in the AskWhatDoesn’t Hurt

Pain free days are long gone. I haven’t had one of those in ten years. To be honest, I’ve forgotten what that feels like. The only thing that exists now is a good pain day or a bad pain day. The thing with fibro is that it’s like a rollercoaster; you can feel mild pain one minute and BAM, the next minute you’re struggling to do anything, the pain is so intense. I feel like this is why anyone who doesn’t have fibromyalgia, has a hard time understanding it (I’ll be doing another post on this issue later).

On a good day, maybe only the arms and legs hurt, or the all over pain is mild enough that I can complete all my tasks without being in agony. Most days are not like this. In the event that I do get a day like this, I tend to over-do it, catching up on everything fibro wouldn’t allow me to do the day(s) before. This in turn means that I will spend the next two to three days paying for it. Today is a bad pain day. Everything hurts. I’ve got a headache, my neck is sore, my arms, hands and legs feel as though they will surely break if I move wrong, my ribs feel bruised to the touch, my clothes are irritating my skin. I’m not looking forward to showering because I know that the water hitting my skin and shaving are going to hurt. This is only one of the gifts fibro has to offer. There’s also fibro fog and fatigue, which I will address in another post. Today is the type of day where I want to crawl into bed and stay there for hours, but I can’t. So I will do my best to push through the pain, try to smile when in company, and hope that tomorrow will be better.

Gentle hugs to my fellow fibro warriors. Remember, we’ve made it through our bad days so far and we’ll make it through this one too.

With love, J♡

The Journey Begins


Hi there! I am 32, a wife, and a mother of 2 kiddos and 2 pups. I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for roughly 15 years , and with chronic pain for 10 years. These are issues I’ve tried to keep private with the exception of those closest to me. I’ve realized, that in the long run it really isn’t helpful and maybe, just maybe, sharing my stories will help someone else. My hope is that my blogs will allow you to realize you’re not alone in the journey, connect with others who can relate, share your experiences, or simply get a better understanding about these issues if someone close to you is suffering.

I would like to share the ups and downs with you. Thank you for joining me in this journey.

With love, J♡

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

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