December went by far too fast, as it does every year. I hope that you all had a safe and fun New Year’s Eve. I am thankful for the memories made, the lessons learned, the blessings and the struggles that 2019 brought. I pray that this new year brings you all love and happiness!
Now that the holidays are over and things are slowing down a bit, my goal is to get back to blogging regularly. I’m trying my best to get through a depressive episode, so it may take me some time to get back into it. Thank you for being patient with me and sticking around. Lots of hugs to you all.
I try my hardest to smile for you
You know me so well, that you see right through
Beyond the laughter and words I speak
You uncover the secrets I try to keep
I was afraid my demons, would scare you away
You reassured me that, you are here to stay
You told me that, you’ll love me forever
And through all the storms, we’d walk together
I know with your help, I’ll be alright
So one more day, I’ll continue to fight
Thanks for reading. You are not alone…keep fighting. Sending a big hug to whoever needs one. 💌
My dear friends, I know it has been a while since my last post. I have been struggling, and I plan to talk about it in a later post, but tonight I have a favor to ask. If you find it in your heart and have a moment to spare, would you please say a little prayer for me?
Thank you. God bless you and your loved ones.
Have you ever felt like there was no one you could talk to, even when there was? Have you kept your innermost thoughts from your trusted loved ones, because you didn’t want to cause them worry or add stress to their life? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t talk to a therapist because of fear that they might lock you up? Have you purposely avoided checking certain boxes under the “mental health” portion of your medical evaluation paperwork, for fear you’d be seen as unstable? If you answered yes to any of these, then welcome to my boat…grab a life vest and a paddle; I’ve already packed the snacks.
Not too long ago, I was dealing with some pretty dark thoughts. While I know that I would not act on any of them, I don’t know that others would be so easily convinced. I didn’t want to tell my family because they already have enough to deal with. I didn’t want to tell my therapist, because although there is a doctor/patient confidentiality, I feared my words would somehow make their way to other parties. I was really feeling like I needed to carry the depression box all by myself. I did finally tell my husband about the box, without emptying all of it’s contents.
This is something I’ve been wanting to talk about on here as well, but the timing was not right. Even now, I am trying to choose my words carefully.
What are your thoughts, am I maybe being too cautious? I wonder if similar views/fears are the reason why a lot of people suffer in silence. Although most of those dark thoughts have subsided, it feels good to be able to share some of what I’ve been holding onto. Thanks for allowing me a safe space to do so. Also, sorry in advance for any typos or if I’m not making as much sense as I think, as I’m still on loopy pills (pain killers). Sending hugs to whoever may need one. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me.
You Say by J♡
You don’t want to know what I have to say
You say you’re trying to keep negativity away
Well this is a part of me, but pay attention and there’s more you’d see
You don’t understand because it’s not affecting your life
It’s changed mine, but I put up a hell of a fight
If only you’d read the words on your screen
You’d see what I’ve accomplished and be proud of me
I’m finding my passion while hopefully helping another
Something you’d notice if only you’d bother
I’m exhausted trying to get your attention
I’ve wasted tears just hoping you would listen
You say you want negativity out of your life
So when you ask how I am, I’ll tell you I’m alright
I will tell you that I’m doing fine
If only for your own peace of mind
Thank you for reading.