Reintroducing Myself

So often over the last decade, I have found myself saying I miss the old me. Which old me was I missing though? Was it the grade school me, who really didn’t know anything? Was it the high school me, who cared what everyone thought, was self conscious, felt like a burden and was lonely? Was it the me who would self harm in a desperate attempt to feel in control of something? No, these were not versions of myself that I liked very much.

After thinking about it more, the me that I was missing, was the me I am supposed to be. I am still figuring out who that is, but I’m finally enjoying the process. Now that I have been on my new medicine for a while, my appetite remains that of a teenager, my weight is staying up, I have more energy, and for the most part my mood is good. I think I really like this me that is emerging, flaws and all. Having said that, I feel like now would be a good time to reintroduce myself.

Today was a good day.

Hi, my name is Nicole, but most of my family calls me Nikki or Nik. Of course I will still answer to J or Jo (as some of you sweetly nicknamed me). I have a wonderful husband and two kiddos that stole my heart. To be honest, my favorite nickname is the one they call me…Mommy. I am currently 33 years old (though sometimes I have to really think about it) and living in Arizona. I was born and raised here, with the exception of a couple years after I was born, living in Pennsylvania until my parents divorced. It really isn’t where I want to be, at least not in the valley. I long to live somewhere that is surrounded by green, has all four seasons and rains often. I love cloudy days and thunderstorms. Those are my favorite days and are especially good for crafting. My sewing table is one of my happy places. I also enjoy painting and doing any kind of crafts. Hot glue guns are fun…and dangerous…careful, boys and girls. I love to dance and sing, though I’m not particularly good at either. Actually, there are some that may argue that I’m tone deaf. I consider myself a shy person, but around people I am comfortable with I am quite the goofball. I have an addiction to coffee, dark chocolate, and mixed-berry smoothies. I am a woman of faith and have seen God’s love work through all of my pain. He has saved me from myself more than once. I do not talk politics with anyone outside of my immediate family. Please do not ask me to do so; I’ve seen friendships and families fall apart over them. Anxiety, depression, POTS, psychogenic dystonia and fibromyalgia are things I will talk about most, because they are a part of my daily life. I will also share bits of randomness with you, like pictures of sloths (my favorite), just to lighten the mood. I used to be so self conscious, that I could take plenty of “selfies” and decide that none of them were good enough to share with anyone – forehead is too big, smile isn’t right, too many smile lines, etc. I’m learning how to love those things too and stop worrying so much. God made me the way He wanted and I need to appreciate that. Plus, I want to share my story with you and that means the not so pretty stuff too. I want to show you the real me and what life is like in that particular moment.

When I began blogging, I wasn’t sure anyone would really care what I have to say. What I’ve learned so far is that there are people who do enjoy reading my words and have found them helpful. If I can help a single person by sharing my story, then I am happy. Writing is a good therapy tool for me as well. I have also found an amazing community that is supportive. I am so thankful for all of you. I thank you for taking the time to get to know me (again). God bless you.

With love,

J♡

Getting Turned On

Oh yes, it happened…my Spinal Cord Stimulator was turned on today! It may take a couple days to really start feeling pain relief.

Oh, something I forgot to mention in my previous post…yes, the battery can be seen and felt through the skin. I don’t mind though.

This is how the rep turned on the device and paired it to my controller. It’s a giant magnet. Cool, right?!

This is my controller. That’s right, all mine and no one else’s ( I’m looking at you, Hubby).😜

The device cycles on for 30 seconds, and then off for 6 minutes. The program may need to be adjusted, but time will tell as I continue to heal.


With love,

J♡

Some Time in my Happy Place

In between adult responsibilities and naps, I’ve found some time to sew the last couple of days. It’s my place to relax, think, pray, and just get lost for a bit.

My mom will often find some great project ideas and share them with me. Here’s the latest: book cover tote. I don’t have a pattern to work with, but I think I’m getting the measurements where I want them.


I hope you all find time this week, to do what makes you happy.

With love,

J♡

Some Happy News for Me

I haven’t been very good with my posts this week; I’m sorry. It is partially because I’ve been busy. If I’m being honest…it was partially because I was pouting.

Tuesday was the day I was supposed to receive a phone call with an update about insurance approval and scheduling of the spinal cord stimulator trial. I waited, but no call. I don’t like to be a pest, so I decided I would wait until Wednesday and call them in the afternoon. Then I decided, no, I’ll wait until Thursday; that’ll be one week from the last conversation with the coordinator.

Well, I waited with my phone all day yesterday, like a teenage girl waiting for her crush to call on the landline. Nothing. I waited until about 10 this morning and gave a call. Answering machine…damnit. I left my voice message and true to my nature, apologized for pestering her. She called me back about an hour later, and guess what?! Insurance gave the approval and I am now scheduled!!! I will have the procedure done on the 25th and then have the leads removed on July 2nd. I cannot begin to tell you how excited I am for this! I have confidence that this is going to work, and that I’ll be able to get the permanent implant after, and life will be better.

There is a downfall to my good news though. It just so happens to be scheduled during the week we were supposed to go on vacation. The kids will still be able to go with their grandparents. I told my husband he should go and have a great time. He declined and is choosing to stay here with me. How sweet is that? I’m beyond blessed to have his love and support, even though I know this procedure terrifies him.

That’s all for now. I hope you all have something in your day that makes you smile. Take care.

With love,

J♡

💖All Love, No Hate💖

I recently opened my blog so that my son could read If, by Rudyard Kipling. He said to me, “Is this your blog?”, to which I responded, “yup”.

“How many hate comments have you had”?

“Not a single one, actually”.

So tonight’s post is to say, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart! You all are an awesome, kind, supportive bunch that I am blessed to interact with and call friends! If you ever, even for a second, doubt that you are making a difference in the world, know that you have made a positive impact in one person’s life, and that goes a long way. God bless you all.

With love,

J♡

⛈My Favorite Weather⛈

Hi, friends! It’s the end of May, the clouds are out, and it’s a chilly 75 degrees…IN ARIZONA! What?! If you’ve been following along for a while, you know that cold, gloomy weather is my favorite. The more gloomy it is, the happier I am.

My mom and I were talking about this recently. We were actually out shopping and she could see the change in my mood as the dark clouds started to roll in. She and I have a couple theories about why this is.

Here is my mom’s theory, which makes a lot of sense to me. They talk about balance. Maybe because on the inside, I feel dark and gloomy, when the environment (the weather) matches, I feel and am more balanced.

Here is my theory. When the weather is cold and gloomy, I am able to bundle up in my pants and warm sweater, where I feel comforted and protected (think about how a weighted blanket makes you feel when you’re anxious). When the sun is shining and it’s hot (remember, AZ gets in the 100 degree temps), it requires wearing lighter, more breathable clothing, leaving me feeling exposed and vulnerable.

What do you all think; are we on to something?

Happy Wednesday, everyone. May the weather bring what makes you feel happy.☺

With love,

J♡

Happy ❤ Day

Good morning, everyone! How are you today?

It is a gorgeous overcast day here in Arizona.

It’s chilly outside (not too…I’m just a wimp when it comes to weather), and I believe we are supposed to get some rain. You know what this means? It means I am in a great mood and will be seated at my sewing machine with the blinds open so I can enjoy this beautiful weather. I’m working on a scrappy quilt for a very special family member. This is a project I must complete quickly, so please forgive me if I get behind on posting and reading your wonderful blogs as well for a couple of days.

Life is full of uncertainty and at times, seems really unfair. Be sure to let those you love and care about know how you feel, not just on this day but always. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us.

Happy Valentine’s Day! If it’s not your thing, then Happy Thursday, February 14th! I hope you have a lovely day.

With love,

J♡

Sunshine Blogger Award

Oh my goodness! What a wonderful thing to have woken up to this morning! I’m honored to be nominated by Ireneity. Be sure to check out her amazing blog here. Thank you, Irene!!!

I hope you all are having an awesome day! : )

Rules:

  • Thank the person who nominated you and provide a link back to their blog so others can find them.
  • Answer the 11 questions asked by the blogger who nominated you.
  • Nominate 11 other bloggers and ask them 11 new questions.
  • Notify the nominees about it by commenting on one of their blog posts.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or your blog site.

Irene’s Questions:

Which is the one superpower you’d like to have?

Telekinesis would be cool.

What would you consider your best skill?

Listening to others.

Who’s that one very person who has a big impact on your life decisions and other changes?

My husband.

What’s your favourite color?

It depends on my mood, ha! In general though, I’d have to say, burgundy.

What’s the one big change you’d like to see in the world?

Just one? I would love to see people being more kind to each other and coming together, regardless of religion, race, ethnicity, sexuality, socioeconomic status, etc. The amount of hate in this world is heartbreaking.

Which is the best place you’ve ever visited?

Niagara Falls was pretty amazing.

Out of Fire, Water and Earth which element do you feel more connected to?

Water.

Do you think robots will ever take over the world?

The way things are going, I would say it’s a big possibility, but let’s hope it doesn’t happen.

If an alien comes in front of you what will you do? Run away with your life of try to get to know them?

Probably try to get to know them, as long as they don’t try to take my coffee.

What do you do in your free time?

Blogging, sewing or any type of craft project, listen to music, draw or color.

What is your advice for a successful life?

This is tough since I myself am still figuring it out. I would say, whatever your dream is, go for it, don’t be afraid to make mistakes…they allow us to learn and grow. Don’t get caught up on material things. Don’t be afraid to be yourself.

My Nominations:

My Questions?

  1. How long have you been blogging?
  2. What made you want to begin blogging?
  3. What makes you happy?
  4. If you could travel back in time and change something in your life, would you?
  5. Where do you see yourself in ten years?
  6. If you could spend an hour talking with anyone, who would it be?
  7. What area of life do you wish to improve?
  8. Do you have a favorite holiday or time of year?
  9. Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert?
  10. What do you consider your biggest accomplishment?
  11. Do you have any advice for new bloggers?

With love,

J♥