Fighting, With Help

I try my hardest to smile for you

You know me so well, that you see right through

Beyond the laughter and words I speak

You uncover the secrets I try to keep

I was afraid my demons, would scare you away

You reassured me that, you are here to stay

You told me that, you’ll love me forever

And through all the storms, we’d walk together

I know with your help, I’ll be alright

So one more day, I’ll continue to fight


Thanks for reading. You are not alone…keep fighting. Sending a big hug to whoever needs one. 💌

With love,

J♡

Today was Better

I still don’t feel quite right, but I will take what I can get. Thankfully, no headache or panic attacks today. It was a nice relaxing day, hanging out with the kids. My son made a game, where he left little notes around the house with objectives on them. I then had to find said notes and follow instructions. In the end, he jumped from behind the door and scared me. It was fun. If you hadn’t already guessed, he’s big into gaming.

My daughter made a lantern in class before the school year ended. Today, she taught me how to make them. We’re almost done, but here’s a peek at what they look like. She gave me designs to use and made sure that I practiced them before using them on the paper lantern.

I like painting and like many 8 year olds, my daughter enjoys putting paint all over her hands. So we also made this.

I’m going to hang it in the bathroom for the little kids that come over and tend to forget to wash.

Lastly, some time in my happy place. A new bag. All it needs now, is a little paint, jewels, buttons, or all three if I’m feeling a bit wild.

Oh yes, one more thing…I just want to say that I appreciate you all so much! Maybe it’s my pain pill talking. Maybe I’m just a sappy gal. Either way, I hope you all know that you have made such a positive change in my life. Your support means so much. So many of you feel more like family. You all are in my prayers every day.

With love,

J♡

💖All Love, No Hate💖

I recently opened my blog so that my son could read If, by Rudyard Kipling. He said to me, “Is this your blog?”, to which I responded, “yup”.

“How many hate comments have you had”?

“Not a single one, actually”.

So tonight’s post is to say, Thank you, from the bottom of my heart! You all are an awesome, kind, supportive bunch that I am blessed to interact with and call friends! If you ever, even for a second, doubt that you are making a difference in the world, know that you have made a positive impact in one person’s life, and that goes a long way. God bless you all.

With love,

J♡

I’m a Party Animal

Okay, no. That was a lie. My grandma has a better social life than I do, no joke. Normally, my Saturday involves staying in my pajamas and drinking coffee all day, but today I went to a party.

Actually, it was an end of the year party for the 6th graders, that my son was invited to. His friend planned this fun shindig, and his mom, being a friend I made last year, invited me to stay. It was a last minute party, so I didn’t hear about it until Thursday. I don’t do well with last minute things, but being they are friends, it was much easier to accept the invitation. I brought a friend with me though…anxiety. Oh boy, is she fun. The three of us, my son, anxiety and I, walked through the house to the backyard. There must have been fifty kids, half of whom were taller than me. A few other moms were there as well, but I did not know them. Anxiety kept telling me to bolt for the car, but I slapped her and told her we’re doing this. I tried to make myself useful and help put out the snacks. I made chit-chat with the other moms, who were actually very nice. At times I did find myself sitting or standing alone, not sure if I should flee, but I stayed and actually had a really nice time. My back was killing me by the end, but it felt good to get out and socialize, rather than sit like a lump at home. Better yet, my son had a great time!

Anxiety might be an unwanted tag along, but I’m slowly learning to show her who’s boss. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time to put on my pajamas and have some coffee. 😊

With love,

J♡

Random Life Post for the Weekend

I was blessed with a mild pain day, yesterday. Today unfortunately, is a 12/10 on the pain scale sort of day. It’s okay though; I know I’ll get through it like I have before. The kids have been so well behaved, helpful, and sweet today. It really makes a huge difference on days like these.

I saw the physician assistant at the pain clinic on Thursday. She is amazing and always doing what she can to help with symptoms. She and I have discussed doing a nerve stimulation implant trial. We both feel it would be a great option for me. However, if it worked, to have the permanent implant placed, would mean another major surgery. This idea makes my family nervous and they want me to try medical marijuana first. I’m okay with this, but I do think that overall, it could be very costly. While I’m looking into getting my medical card, the PA recommended I try the cbd oil. It’s 1mL under the tounge, 1-2 times a day. I’ve now taken 5 doses. I haven’t noticed a difference in pain yet, but I do think it may be helping improve my appetite and lower stress and anxiety. We shall see how things go with continuous use.

For months and months, I’ve been debating deactivating my Facebook account. The biggest reason I haven’t is so I can keep up with what’s going on with family and see pictures that the school posts. I hardly use the app anymore, but when I do, I end up feeling crappy. It’s always the same stuff – political posts, memes, and pictures of how perfectly wonderful life is.

I am so incredibly thankful for the friendship the kids have made with the little boy across the street (the one I mentioned previously). They are so anxious to play together every day, especially my daughter and the kiddo. How incredible it would be to see them grow up to be lifelong friends. I wish I could say that I was still connected with my childhood friends, but sadly, we’ve become more like aquaintences. Forming a new friendship in the adult world seems so much harder. I wish it were still as easy as playing together on the playground and then deciding that you are now friends.

Yesterday, the kiddos had a “Fun Run” at school. The music plays, and the kids run laps on the field and through the giant inflatable mascot to raise money for the school. People can make fixed donations or a price per lap donation. All the kids wear a cool shirt with numbers 1-30 on the back, and as they cross the line, teachers/parent volunteers (myself included), mark off the number as they complete each lap. My kiddos had 2 different run times. The little kids were so full of energy. My son originally told me I could “watch from the parking lot”, haha. He didn’t want to be embarrassed. But, there I was on the field, helping to mark shirts. I must have gained back my cool mom points, because he gave me lots of hugs in front of everyone. 😊

I still insist that I don’t want to live in Arizona forever. While I’m here though, I can still enjoy our beautiful sunsets. This shot was from our neighborhood. So peaceful.

I’ve been doing quite a bit of sewing to get ready for the craft sale we are doing next weekend. I would like to work on it so much more, I just don’t have the energy lately.

On better pain days, it so much fun to go riding with my husband. It is so freeing and such a stress reliever. I like to spread my arms out and be a bird while we ride. This is from when we took a ride up to Saguaro Lake while the kids were in school. Looking forward to the next trip.


So, even though today is a very bad pain day, it doesn’t have to be a bad day; there are still things to smile about.

Thanks for taking your time to stop by and share in this journey with me. Happy weekend to you all.

With love,

J♡