Please,tell me how you are doing.

Hello, dear friends. I will try to do a post tomorrow on how my appointment with the movement disorder specialist went.

Tonight though, I just wanted to check in with everyone. Covid-19 is affecting so many people in so many ways. Our little family is trying to stay in as much as possible. While the seriousness of this virus is scary, the other thing I worry about is people losing their sense of humanity. You have people who are hoarding essential items or harming others over the essentials. I pray that this virus does not harden hearts.

So, my question to you is this:

Where are you? More importantly, how are you doing (physically, mentally, emotionally)?

On a lighter note, here are some things I found on Facebook that I found amusing in regards to the toilet paper shortage.

I keep joking about sewing tp squares in pretty patterns and super soft material. I DO plan on trying to sew masks this weekend and then donate them to assisted living facilities that are in short supply.

Please take care, friends. Praying for all of you and your loved ones.

With love,

J♡

Heaven Gained an Angel

Hello, dear friends. I know that I need to update about many things, but tonight I just want to repost a poem I wrote almost a year ago. I wrote this poem about my aunt. She was a strong and beautiful soul whom I love very much. This morning, God called her home. While so many will miss her tremendously, I think there’s a bit of peace in knowing that she no longer has to fight the medical issues she had.


Wanting to Hold You

By J♡

I wanted so badly
To hold you tight
Not knowing when
You would see the light
But your body has become
Oh so frail
Your bones are weak
And the muscles, they fail
So thin and fragile, is your skin
I wish I could make you
Healthy again
I see the frustration
In your eyes
It breaks my heart
Every time you cry
I’m dreading the day
I get the call
That says you are now
Watching over us all
So badly I wanted
To hold you tight
Not knowing when
You would see the light
Not wanting to hurt
Your delicate frame
I kissed your forehead
And drove away
Your scent lingered
As I began to pray
God, when it’s time
For you to take her home
Let her be not afraid
Without pain and not alone


Thank you for reading. Hug your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you. I really hope you all are doing well.

With love,

J♡

Hello 2020

December went by far too fast, as it does every year. I hope that you all had a safe and fun New Year’s Eve. I am thankful for the memories made, the lessons learned, the blessings and the struggles that 2019 brought. I pray that this new year brings you all love and happiness!

Now that the holidays are over and things are slowing down a bit, my goal is to get back to blogging regularly. I’m trying my best to get through a depressive episode, so it may take me some time to get back into it. Thank you for being patient with me and sticking around. Lots of hugs to you all.

With love,

J♡

Fighting, With Help

I try my hardest to smile for you

You know me so well, that you see right through

Beyond the laughter and words I speak

You uncover the secrets I try to keep

I was afraid my demons, would scare you away

You reassured me that, you are here to stay

You told me that, you’ll love me forever

And through all the storms, we’d walk together

I know with your help, I’ll be alright

So one more day, I’ll continue to fight


Thanks for reading. You are not alone…keep fighting. Sending a big hug to whoever needs one. 💌

With love,

J♡

Attention: Prayer Warriors

My dear friends, I know it has been a while since my last post. I have been struggling, and I plan to talk about it in a later post, but tonight I have a favor to ask. If you find it in your heart and have a moment to spare, would you please say a little prayer for me?

Thank you. God bless you and your loved ones.

With love,

J♡

More Robot, More Human

Hi friends! How are you?!

As many of you know, I went through the SCS (spinal cord stimulator) trial recently. I have to tell you that overall it was a success! Here is how the week long trial went…

The day of the procedure if I’m being honest, was brutal. I was sore from where the leads were inserted, and it wasn’t particularly comfortable to lean back with the battery pack taped to me. The other problem was that I was in a ton of pain in my mid back. It wasn’t from the procedure or device however; I believe I pulled a muscle in the shower that morning. Don’t ask me how…I really don’t know…just that talented I suppose.

The day after the trial was amazing! The severe pain in my left leg was gone. My low back, down to my toes felt so much better. I woke up and moved about the house without waddling and wincing. I was able to lift my knees toward my chest without pain. I was able to lie flat on my belly without excruciating pain. I even stood for long periods of time without needing a pain killer. When my family checked in on me to ask how I was, I responded with “I’m good” and for the most part, really meant it. These are some things I hadn’t been able to do in years, and I was loving every moment! I felt so confident that this was the solution I needed, that I called my surgeon’s office to schedule my consultation for the permanent implant. His schedule fills up fast, and I didn’t want to delay things any longer. I will see the surgeon on the 30th of this month. With the last 3 surgeries, he was able to do them within a couple weeks of consultation.

Days three through six were just as great as far as pain relief. With minimal activity, I was getting 80-90% pain relief, and with more activity, 60-79%. To give you a better understanding of how awesome those numbers seem to me, a trial is considered successful if a patient receives 50% pain relief. What drove me crazy was the desire to take a real shower and to get that dang medical tape off my back. Otherwise, I really didn’t have any complaints.

The day the trial leads were removed, I felt happy to get the battery and tape off my back. I was also a little sad because I knew the pain would be coming back soon.

The red dots near the spine, are where the leads exited. The redness on the left side is from the bandages that held the battery in place. I seem to have a sensitivity/allergy to the adhesive/glue.

These are the leads that were removed. I will spare you the picture of them dangling out of my back. The removal was uncomfortable because they gave a little resistance, but it wasn’t necessarily painful.

The device rep said I may continue to feel pain relief for a day. Sadly, by that night my low back began to ache, and by the next day I was hurting more. I am now back to the usual 8-10/10 on the pain scale. I am holding on to the hope of permanent pain relief being right around the corner. I just need to hang in there a little longer. I know that getting the permanent implant will make me a little more of a robot (with the hardware that’s already in place), but honestly, when the trial was in place, I felt more human than I have in a long time. Maybe you all can start calling me roboJ2019 😆.

As always, I appreciate all of your positive vibes, well-wishes, and prayers! Thank you for your love and support.

With love,

J♡