Oh yes, I’ve done it! I’ve broken the rules. I’ve become a rebel. I’ve put up the Christmas tree before Thanksgiving (gasp!), and you know something…I don’t feel bad about it. Not. One. Bit. This has been a really rough year, and I am ready to be in the Christmas spirit. While I pieced together the artificial pine and wrapped it in lights, I added my off-key vocals to the sweet sound of the Christmas classics. We may wait until after Thanksgiving to add the ornaments, and that would be okay. Just putting up the tree and staring at it’s glow in a dark room was just the mood lift I needed, and oh boy did I need it.
When I saw the neurologist last week, he and I decided that it would be a good idea to increase my antidepressant (one of them). I know that it takes a while for these things to build up in your system. If ever there was a time when I needed it to happen quickly, it’s now. I have felt myself slipping back into my darker depression days and if I’m honest, it was worrying me. Old, unhealthy coping mechanisms were just one impulse move away. I fought hard to push those thoughts and urges away, and more than once cried out to God ‘I need your help’. He heard my cries and saved me from myself like he’s done so many times before. I know that my depression is a daily battle, but I also know that I don’t have to fight it alone. I wish this was something I realized many years ago when self harm was the weapon of choice in my battle.
While I enjoy the beauty of the tree lighting up the room tonight, I will focus on the real Light in my darkness and be thankful for His love. You all are in my thoughts and prayers. If you’re in a battle right now, keep fighting; you’re not alone.