A Small Fear

At some point roughly twelve years ago, things changed. My brain and body had a little meeting. I imagine it went something like this:

Brain: *sips coffee* I have an idea. Handling J’s stress the “normal” way is getting boring. What if we shake things up a bit?

Body: What kind of stress?

Brain: Any! Mental, physical. Shoot, even strong happy emotions! What do ya say?

Body: What do you have in mind?

Brain: We’re going to work together to make her muscles tighten up and move in ways she didn’t know was possible. We’ll call it Psychogenic Dystonia!

Body: I don’t know. What if she doesn’t like that? What if it causes problems for her?

Brain: It’ll be fine. She’ll learn to deal with it. Besides that, we’re in charge.

Body: Okay, I’m in.

*They cheers a cup of coffee*

The mind is a beautiful and powerful thing. Why mine really chose to handle stress the way it does, I do not know. I know that God is in control so I try not to let fears of uncertainty get to me, but there’s something that sits at the back of my mind. What if one day, my brain decides to switch things up again? What if it decides that a better coping mechanism would be to add other personalities, intrusive thoughts, or hallucinations? My heart goes out to all those with borderline personality disorder, schizophrenia, and all other mental health conditions. You are strong and amazing.

I’m giving this fear to God and will trust that He will be with me, no matter what kind of shenanigans my brain and body get into.

Be well, dear friends. Hugs to whoever needs one.

With love,

J♡

4 thoughts on “A Small Fear

  1. Dear daughter, My heart is so full right now for the way you are handling all of these things. It also breaks when I witness one of those attacks. Your faith in God will take you far. I pray for His angels to surround you, protect you and give you peace. One day He will heal all of these for you! Xoxo, Mom

    Liked by 1 person

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