Stupid Little Happy Pill

Ok, so I have a sort of love -hate relationship with my antidepressant. We’ve been on again off again for the last 15 years. Two of our off periods were when I was pregnant with my kiddos, and the other breakups were because I felt I was too good for it. I unfortunately, have learned the hard way that we are meant to be together…forever. When you take an antidepressant, the last thing you want to do is stop taking them without being weaned off under the supervision of a doctor. Missing doses is not a wise move either. There have been times when this little happy pill made me feel normal and well, happy. The problem was that I started to feel so great I thought, ‘I don’t need this anymore’, but within about a week, my family could see the difference. So could I; I just didn’t want to admit it. I remember once (when starting our relationship again), I asked my doctor if I would need to take this for the rest of my life. His response was, “I would tell any patient taking this for the first time that they have a 50/50 chance of relapse if they stop. Given your history, your chance of relapse is higher”. Armed with this information, I’ve made a bigger effort to be committed to my relationship with the stupid happy pill. I still have days where I will miss a dose. Let me tell ya, I can feel it now if I miss more than two. It’s not pretty. My other struggle is that I have moments of guilt for having to take this in order to feel happy/normal. I know that I am blessed and have oodles to be happy about, but without this pill, it’s hard to feel. I was once told, “If it were medication for your heart, you would take it, right? Think of it that way; it’s something you need and that’s ok”. So, this is the mentality I’m trying to stick with. There’s no shame in doing what is best for your health. I’m married to the stupid little happy pill, till death do us part.

With love, J♡

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