You Say

You Say by J♡

You don’t want to know what I have to say

You say you’re trying to keep negativity away

Well this is a part of me, but pay attention and there’s more you’d see

You don’t understand because it’s not affecting your life

It’s changed mine, but I put up a hell of a fight

If only you’d read the words on your screen

You’d see what I’ve accomplished and be proud of me

I’m finding my passion while hopefully helping another

Something you’d notice if only you’d bother

I’m exhausted trying to get your attention

I’ve wasted tears just hoping you would listen

You say you want negativity out of your life

So when you ask how I am, I’ll tell you I’m alright

I will tell you that I’m doing fine

If only for your own peace of mind

Thank you for reading.

With love,

J♡

Today was Better

I still don’t feel quite right, but I will take what I can get. Thankfully, no headache or panic attacks today. It was a nice relaxing day, hanging out with the kids. My son made a game, where he left little notes around the house with objectives on them. I then had to find said notes and follow instructions. In the end, he jumped from behind the door and scared me. It was fun. If you hadn’t already guessed, he’s big into gaming.

My daughter made a lantern in class before the school year ended. Today, she taught me how to make them. We’re almost done, but here’s a peek at what they look like. She gave me designs to use and made sure that I practiced them before using them on the paper lantern.

I like painting and like many 8 year olds, my daughter enjoys putting paint all over her hands. So we also made this.

I’m going to hang it in the bathroom for the little kids that come over and tend to forget to wash.

Lastly, some time in my happy place. A new bag. All it needs now, is a little paint, jewels, buttons, or all three if I’m feeling a bit wild.

Oh yes, one more thing…I just want to say that I appreciate you all so much! Maybe it’s my pain pill talking. Maybe I’m just a sappy gal. Either way, I hope you all know that you have made such a positive change in my life. Your support means so much. So many of you feel more like family. You all are in my prayers every day.

With love,

J♡

I Had a Bad Day 😣

Today (technically yesterday, now) was a bad one. As the whole family has been keeping some late Summer nights, it started like most days…waking up close to 11am, except today started with another massive headache. The kind where you don’t want to move, be in the light, hear noise, talk, or even chew your food. It was like a nightmare of a hangover, but without the party story to tell. My mom stopped over and brought us all lunch. I hardly touched it and took a couple of Tylenol. Fibro and back pain also thought it was time to play. Sharp pains through random body parts, skin that felt bruised to the touch, back pain pain that wrapped around the front like labor pains.

Just minutes after my mom left, the fun really kicked in. I walked into the laundry room and suddenly a wave of doom washed over me. I felt like a horrible memory had been triggered, but no idea what that memory was. I slumped down, back against the washer and told the kids to see if Nanna had drove away yet (she’s very familiar with panic attacks) or to get their dad. I wanted to cry. My body felt like it was being heated from the inside, out. I felt like I had a fire and tingling inside my head. The sense of doom passed quickly, but it was a scary feeling.

The kids allowed me some time to nap, which helped with the pain, but I still wasn’t feeling quite right. As I went into the laundry room, the same sense of panic set in. It felt just like the first time. Maybe this one was triggered by the recollection of the first one. Once again, the sense of doom passed quickly, but the tingling fire feeling stuck around for hours. Even as I type this, my head doesn’t feel right. I text my mom and she offered to come back over since my husband had to work. I declined because I knew she was busy, but then she said she was heading over. I’m glad she insisted. She was also sweet enough to go pick up my antidepressant.

I believe that little pill is responsible for much of today’s excitement. Ok, actually I’m responsible – er, irresponsible. I ran out of my little happy pills a couple of days ago and kept forgetting to pick up the refill. I do okay if I miss one night, but two or more throws off my groove. I guess this time, my groove went far away. I took my pill tonight, but I know it might take a couple days to get my system right. I will not make this mistake again. Today has been hell, but tomorrow will be better – hopefully.

Thanks for reading. I will try to make tomorrow’s post a little more happy. Take care, friends.

With love,

J♡

Another Arts and Crafts Day

Our daughter has been a little apprehensive about going on vacation without us. She says she’ll miss us too much. I want her to go and have a great time. She’ll be able to swim, make sandcastles, and spend quality time with her grandparents. I thought that maybe making her a purse to take on vacation would help. I headed over to my mom’s house today, to spend some mom and daughter time, and paint the jean purse I made. It’s not done yet, but I think she’s going to like it!

See that iced coffee? That’s crafting fuel. Yummy!

Now, I just need to figure out something to make our son to take on vacation. I’m thinking a drawstring backpack. We’ll see.

And then there’s this quick little craft: one of those countdown paper chains.

I made it because I’m anxious for the procedure, but also because my inner child still likes playing with paper and glue. Who am I to argue?

Wishing you all a great night/day.

With love,

J♡

Some Time in my Happy Place

In between adult responsibilities and naps, I’ve found some time to sew the last couple of days. It’s my place to relax, think, pray, and just get lost for a bit.

My mom will often find some great project ideas and share them with me. Here’s the latest: book cover tote. I don’t have a pattern to work with, but I think I’m getting the measurements where I want them.

I hope you all find time this week, to do what makes you happy.

With love,

J♡

The Mind is a Strange Thing

I took a long nap Thursday evening and unfortunately had a very vivid nightmare.

I’m no expert, but my general understanding, is that dreams are a combination of thoughts and experiences all jumbled up in a nonsense sort of way. This one however, felt like it had gone deep into my mind and pick locked all the dusty filing cabinets. These were things that I hadn’t given thought to in quite some time…at least not on a conscious level.

I won’t go into the details of this dream, as it was an odd compilation of negative emotions and events from my life. A traumatic event from childhood seemed to be the foundation of this dream, and that is an event I’m not quite ready to share. I woke up drenched in sweat and feeling so distraught, that I contemplated calling my psychologist. I’m not sure what triggered this nightmare, but I know I never want to experience it again.

Thanks for reading. Wishing you all sweet dreams.

With love,

J♡